My new wife shat herself in bed two nights ago. Just one of those little habits you don't know somebody has until you start living with them. OK, she apologized and all, but I tell you, until it's happened to you it's not something you can imagine.
I got up and went out, and when I came back a couple of hours later she'd changed the sheets and was sitting on the floor looking guilty.
I can't wait 'til the pre nup kicks in.
No. Diarrhoea.
Of course, it may not have been diarrhoea. It may have been a solid emission.
Perhaps the marvellous qlanettint might enlighten us on the finer points of his bride's incontinence.
Or perhaps not.
What a disgusting tale qlanet! I have a mildly interesting bearshit story.
Georgia - it's in the news in case you hadn't noticed. I was in Tblisi in 2000, and they still had some very Third World customs then, not least of which was dancing bears in the streets. These animals are wretched, abused creatures which have been de-clawed and have their teeth pulled out, but they could still pack a mighty punch if it wasn't for the fact they have been dosed up on barbiturates before leaving their cages.
Anyway - to cut a long story short - I was in a small crowd watching an average size brown bear swaying around to some incomprehensible Georgian folk tune played by a guy on some sort of zither, when the animal decided to take a dump. Unfortunately, a small child was standing directly behind the bear's ass, and it was a skitter of mammoth proportions. The infant was covered from head to toe in ursine excrement, much to the amusement of onlookers.
The child's mother took a different view. She ran over, snatched the kid from the street and wiped her down, before returning to the scene of the crime. She proceeded to repeatedly stick a very sharp umbrella up the bear's rectum, all the while screaming some Georgian insult at the bear's owner.
He seemed to find the whole thing amusing, and left her to it. He went into a nearby bar and, to my knowledge, was never seen again.
Ah, the joys of travel!
They wander about the streets and steal food from unattended vehicles.
In this respect they are identical to the native Indians, who we try not to talk about because they are a deterrent to tourism.
Tourism is, of course, the main source of income for Canada. We have policemen dressed up in ridiculous red clothes, the Rockies, Vancouver and various high class homosexual bars. And huge chocolate cakes.
Ice hockey is our national game. It is a cross between boxing and something else I can't remember the name of. It is very boring apart from the fights. And even then it's boring. Skill at games is not a Canadian trait.
We have the longest coastline of any country in the world. So what, I hear you ask? Exactly.
Our homosexuals talk with a lisp because that is how they think they should talk, having learned how to behave from old British TV programs.
We have convinced ourselves that we are more tolerant and open-minded than our US cousins. This is true to a certain extent, but is actually a result of our general ignorance of world affairs and reluctance to comment thereon.
It is COLD here in the winter!
We have trains with panoramic viewing carriages, so that tourists can go Ooooohhhh! when they see yet another mountain.
The only interesting public figure we have ever had was the wife of a president, who used to fuck anything that came within six feet of her.
Ski-ing! Now there's a thing. People come here to ski. But as skiers are among the most boring people in the world, it doesn't exactly enhance the quality of life here.
Toronto is a hellhole. So is Montreal. If they were a bit seedier or had better architecture they might qualify as mildly attractive, but they aren't and don't, so fuck it.
Quebec is quite interesting, but only because there are people there who speak French with a jarring, awful accent, a bit like those in Marseilles, and who all think they are special. They are, of course, but not in the way they would like.
The National Film Board of Canada used to make 30-minute features which were distinguished only by their grainy quality and execrable acting. They have become something of a cult among residents of homes for Alzheimer's sufferers.
Our troops are fighting valiantly in Afghanistan. Lots of them get killed, mainly because they are badly trained and cannot cope without conditions where the temperature is above minus 40 degrees. We are very proud of this death rate, and use it to beat up our Southern neighbours, when all the statistic actually proves is that we have an under-trained, useless army.
Y'know....initially I gave only a passing glance at this rant, but was so bored I actually read it carefully.
I don't really know if this latest stalkers efforts are an attempt to be funny, satirical, insulting or just plain insipid.....but I've come to the conclusion that whoever this person is.....he/she sure can't accomplish ANY of those things I've mentioned, worth a damn.
And now I'm more pissed off at MYSELF, for having wasted the time to read this shit.
Get a grip, you fucking lame imbecile (and a more original name, while you're at it).
toilet humor~~
It's something we all have to do but nobady really wants to admit to it..... kinda like passing gas in front of your new spouse or boyfriend. It was months before my now husband ever heard a noise from my buttocks. But of course it was all acceptable for him to cut one loose.... why is that? Double standards for ladies??
Tell me about it.. like that line from Transformers where the soldier calls home, and his wife shows him the new baby. The soldier says, "Was that a fart?!" And his wife says, "No, she's a lady." Bullshit. And then there's what Glumbert has on the matter: http://glumbert.com/media/women http://glumbert.com/media/womendrive
Yeah, listen to this twat: http://glumbert.com/media/menwomen For the duration of the first minute and a half, I wanted to punch this ass in the face.
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