glumbert

Polar Bears are Kewl..

Not in the woods?

Uh, First I guess

I would have to say that "amazing" is a bit excessive...

This is just one of those things everyone does but noone talks about.

And the zookeepers wonder why the water filters are constantly plugged

I wonder why the wiggily whitecapped water waves wistfully in the winter wonderland....
sorry

This is how brown bears are made.

Awwwwwwwwwww Shit LOL

Everyone poops in the pool

owned

That must be a Schlitterbahn Waterpark

See even polar bears have brown love its all natural!

Ew. Well, at least he's not embarrassed about letting it all, er, flow out. ;)

LMAO

Well, it is better than flinging the stuff at you like the monkeys do...

Deja vu!!!!

My new wife shat herself in bed two nights ago. Just one of those little habits you don't know somebody has until you start living with them. OK, she apologized and all, but I tell you, until it's happened to you it's not something you can imagine.
I got up and went out, and when I came back a couple of hours later she'd changed the sheets and was sitting on the floor looking guilty.
I can't wait 'til the pre nup kicks in.

diorhea

No. Diarrhoea.
Of course, it may not have been diarrhoea. It may have been a solid emission.
Perhaps the marvellous qlanettint might enlighten us on the finer points of his bride's incontinence.
Or perhaps not.

What a disgusting tale qlanet! I have a mildly interesting bearshit story.
Georgia - it's in the news in case you hadn't noticed. I was in Tblisi in 2000, and they still had some very Third World customs then, not least of which was dancing bears in the streets. These animals are wretched, abused creatures which have been de-clawed and have their teeth pulled out, but they could still pack a mighty punch if it wasn't for the fact they have been dosed up on barbiturates before leaving their cages.
Anyway - to cut a long story short - I was in a small crowd watching an average size brown bear swaying around to some incomprehensible Georgian folk tune played by a guy on some sort of zither, when the animal decided to take a dump. Unfortunately, a small child was standing directly behind the bear's ass, and it was a skitter of mammoth proportions. The infant was covered from head to toe in ursine excrement, much to the amusement of onlookers.
The child's mother took a different view. She ran over, snatched the kid from the street and wiped her down, before returning to the scene of the crime. She proceeded to repeatedly stick a very sharp umbrella up the bear's rectum, all the while screaming some Georgian insult at the bear's owner.
He seemed to find the whole thing amusing, and left her to it. He went into a nearby bar and, to my knowledge, was never seen again.
Ah, the joys of travel!

We have polar bears in the far north.

They wander about the streets and steal food from unattended vehicles.

In this respect they are identical to the native Indians, who we try not to talk about because they are a deterrent to tourism.

Tourism is, of course, the main source of income for Canada. We have policemen dressed up in ridiculous red clothes, the Rockies, Vancouver and various high class homosexual bars. And huge chocolate cakes.

Ice hockey is our national game. It is a cross between boxing and something else I can't remember the name of. It is very boring apart from the fights. And even then it's boring. Skill at games is not a Canadian trait.

We have the longest coastline of any country in the world. So what, I hear you ask? Exactly.

Our homosexuals talk with a lisp because that is how they think they should talk, having learned how to behave from old British TV programs.

We have convinced ourselves that we are more tolerant and open-minded than our US cousins. This is true to a certain extent, but is actually a result of our general ignorance of world affairs and reluctance to comment thereon.

It is COLD here in the winter!

We have trains with panoramic viewing carriages, so that tourists can go Ooooohhhh! when they see yet another mountain.

The only interesting public figure we have ever had was the wife of a president, who used to fuck anything that came within six feet of her.

Ski-ing! Now there's a thing. People come here to ski. But as skiers are among the most boring people in the world, it doesn't exactly enhance the quality of life here.

Toronto is a hellhole. So is Montreal. If they were a bit seedier or had better architecture they might qualify as mildly attractive, but they aren't and don't, so fuck it.

Quebec is quite interesting, but only because there are people there who speak French with a jarring, awful accent, a bit like those in Marseilles, and who all think they are special. They are, of course, but not in the way they would like.

The National Film Board of Canada used to make 30-minute features which were distinguished only by their grainy quality and execrable acting. They have become something of a cult among residents of homes for Alzheimer's sufferers.

Our troops are fighting valiantly in Afghanistan. Lots of them get killed, mainly because they are badly trained and cannot cope without conditions where the temperature is above minus 40 degrees. We are very proud of this death rate, and use it to beat up our Southern neighbours, when all the statistic actually proves is that we have an under-trained, useless army.

Celine Dion is a Candian.

So are quite a lot of caribou.

Holy fucking shit!
I've got to get to Canada!

Funny how a crapping bear results in one of the funnier threads in a while.

Guess toilet humour has its uses

Yep!

My mistake on the "president" thing.

As far as "cutting and pasting" goes - no. I'll leave that up to the mighty "real" canuck1963. He's the expert on that one.

If my efforts at light-hearted humor have touched a nerve, so be it.

sardine diarhhea