glumbert

3 months ago

This morning I felt a whole lot better when I woke up. The swollen area was about the same size, the problem was walking. This bite is right above my penis to the right, and it rubs against my thighs when I walk. Talk about pain! I had to walk like Frankenstein at work today. I had to keep my legs spread apart so that the bite wouldn't rub against my thigh. To make matters worse, I have a pimple (maybe another bite) on my right buttock. Not only do I have to sit with my legs open, I have to lean to the left to keep my weight off of my right ass cheek.
I pulled it off for the most part, but when nobody was watching, I would scream a little bit to myself. Some people asked what was wrong, I just told them that I pulled a muscle working out. Anyway, the real fun started when I got home.

I popped a couple of Vicodin and tore off my clothes to allow my "equipment" to breathe. It felt so good. Anyway, I was reading some of my e-mails when I read one from a guy who said I could squeeze my balls or groin and see if puss came out. He said it was probably a cyst. Yeah right, I'm going to squeeze this damm sore until it bleeds and kills me. But it did give me a better idea. My ex-g/f is diabetic, and use to have to take insulin shots every morning when she woke up. She left a few unopened syringes at my house. Why not use a syringe and just suck the puss out right? Ef yeah man, the Vicodin is kicking in!

What I have to say next is extremely important, please listen carefully. Men, under no circumstances, I repeat, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU EVER STICK A SYRINGE IN YOUR GROIN! I cannot stress this point enough. There is no amount of Vicodin or alcohol to relieve the pain you are going to feel if you prick your prick. I have never given birth, but I imagine it feels something like this. At least women get an epideral or whatever it's called to ease their pain. I got the courage up, and I did it. Twice. The first time, I got just a little bit of blood in the syringe. I waited about 10 minutes and tried it again. This time, I got a good amount of some kind of liquid. It wasnt red, it appeared to be clear, but I'm not too sure because my eyes were full of tears and I couldn't see too clearly. I couldn't take anymore after that. My groin was bleeding and I was almost crying. My efing roommate doesn't even bother to ask if I'm alright. He thinks I'm gay, and that I got my butt poked last night. Ever since he walked in on me watching "Broke Back Mountain," the mother efer thinks I'm a queer. Yet he'll watch Hannah Montana and thinks nothing of it. Who's the freak now mother efer? Anyway, there's blood on my ball (the right one) and I'm doubled over in pain. The Vicodin are not helping, they just make me tired, but also hyper at the same time. That's strange isn't it? Forgive me if I am not too coherent and I drift around a little, I'm having a little trouble concentrating. I forgot to mention, I had shaved my groin and my right ball yesterday to see if I could see the bite or infection. So my groin and my right ball are bald on the right side. Anyway, I'm bleeding and in pain, so I jump in the shower. That warm water actually did a pretty good job of easing my pain. I finish up and put on some white shorts. As I walk out of the shower, I notice a little bit of blood on my shorts. My roommate sees it and smirks. Mother efer, it's coming from the front of my shorts, not the back by my butthole. Stupid ass. We'll see who gets the last laugh. What do you think I've been using to scratch down there? Let me give you a hint. You better wash you toothbrush before you use it next time. Or was that my toothbrush? Oh hell who cares? It's my stuff anyway.

Right now I ain't feeling too much pain. I still have to sit with my legs open and leaning to the left, but other than that I'm good. To think, all this crap is caused by my dog who brought in a flea or tick that ended up biting me. And he don't just sleep with me, he SLEEPS with me. He cuddles right up against me. If I move or turn over, he moves and sticks his butt right up against mine. He started doing that after watching "Broke Back Mountain" with me. No telling what else he does to me when I'm sleeping. I'm sorry this post took so long, I just had to vent. I feel a little better now. I'll keep you guys up to date if anything changes. I have a feeling I'm going to be alright.

3 months ago

what?

3 months ago

that was an interesting and amusing vent. however, I can assure you that childbirth is probably ten times the pain you were in. epideral screws up the baby's brain.
aaanyways. why didn't you just go for the gold and shave the entire shabang? ;)

3 months ago

What the fuck is your problem? You son of bitches open boxes, drag shit all over the store and leave it. Pull stuff down off the shelves, then put it anyplace you feel like. You buy the junk and take it home, several days later you bring the shit back after you used it and want your money back for it. If it says on the box DO NOT OPEN, DON'T OPEN THE FUCKING BOX! You can't seem to put shit back in the right places either. You get mad and have a fit if we don't have what you want. Then comes the famous statement, " Well I got it here last year". That was last year mother fucker! It's also impossible for everyone to know what the store carries and has in stock and WHERE the FUCKING thing you want is at.

If the box is opened, it will not sell. It has to be marked as no sale and tossed in the garbage. A loss for the store! No wonder inflation keeps going up and the cost of everything goes up too. You bitch because it cost to much for things. Well, you son of bitchen assholes who open boxes, steel merchandise, miss match the product, mix product with other things have done it yourself. You're the major cause of price changes and inflation.

The policy should be in EVERY retail store, YOU OPEN IT, YOU BOUGHT IT! YOU USED IT, YOU NOW OWN IT! You don't like to be greeted by someone rude, then DON'T be rude to the person trying to help you! DON'T LIE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PRODUCT! If you fucked up while trying to install it yourself, tell the fucking truth you asshole mother fuckers!

For the most part, most people are willing to wait their turn. But some

3 months ago

Huh?

3 months ago

hmmm.... I almost heard the exact replica of that post from my brother's piehole a few months ago, since he works at a store. I can't imagine how annoying that must be. I am the type of person who would spew fumes out of my ears if I worked in a store with these people coming in and out.

3 months ago

of you assholes have to be rude and butt in with just a quick question. There is no such thing as just one quick question. Wait YOUR FUCKING TURN ASSHOLE!

3 months ago

Say what?

3 months ago

Scenario:::

Michael and Abby are a couple. OKAY

Jack is Michael's friend, weed smoking buddy, etc. OKAY ... what ever floats their boats ...

Michael and Abby ask Jack for a ride to a "bar" and say that if he gives them a ride then all the drinks are on them. If they can afford drinks ... why do they need a ride? Where is THEIR car?

Jack agrees. OKAY ... who passes up free drinks? Not I!

When Jack arrives with his friends, he realizes that they are at a GAY CLUB. Big deal ... some of the nicest people I know are not straight ... and with the right attitude a gay bar can be a freaking BLAST!

Michael and Abby laugh about it because they tricked Jack and Jack is a little mad but shrugs for the free drinks. Why did they feel the need to "trick Jack" ? Do they think/know he is homophobic?

Jack has a girlfriend named Megan. Megan didn't go with them. Later on she finds out about this. I take it she's pissed?

His girlfriend is a little supsicious now and wonders and asks if Jack is gay or curious or if he has ever FUCKED his friend Michael. I would wonder about my boyfriends best friends WIFE before I worried/wondered about my boyfriends best friend ...

So...from reading this scenario, I ask the experienced gay, lesbian, bisexual world out there..

What is the truth in this "issue" scenario???

Thanks!

Multiple "issues" ...
1. Megan doesn't trust Jack ... thus that relationship is doomed.
2. Where Michael and Abby feeling out Jack for a 3some invite under the guise of needing a ride?
3. Is Michael Bi-curious and strangly attracted to Jack? Doesn't make you gay Michael ... makes you human ... or ready to come out of the closet as a gay man ... not enough info to tell.
4. Is Abby secretly attracted to Jack and to keep her relationship with Michael and not blow it out of the water by doing his best friend ... maybe she sexily suggests a 3some with Jack to scratch an itch and at the same time not reveal her secret attraction?
5. If Michael and Jack spend a significant enough amount of time together to make Megan wonder if they are doing the deed ... are they?
6. Abby has to know that no good can come from screwing your significant other's best friend!

Too many issues to resolve ... not nearly enough info for processing!

Best of luck to you from a heterosexual ... no longer curious (wink) woman who was once dumped by a gay guy (never date a guy that wakes up prettier than you!) ... knows a guy who was dumped by a gay chick (why HE couldn't see THAT one coming ... none of us will ever know!) ... and still thinks that the gay and lesbian community is populated by perfectly wonderful people ... for the most part ... after all ... no one group of individuals can say they are free of bad apples ... now can they!?!?!?!
If you are going with the 3some angle ... friendly word of advice ... stock up on protection ... and pick a stranger! That way there's no hard or strange feelings if it doesn't work out like it does in a porno flick ... which it never does ... too many human feelings involved ... it's one thing to IMAGINE doing it ... quite another thing to actually see your significant other TOUCHING another person live and in person. USE CAUTION!!!

3 months ago

Can you repeat that?

3 months ago

I hate everybody and everything. I don't care who you know or who you screw to get ahead in the world. I don't care how much money you make or where you are from. I hate you and if you're from 'Nawlins, fuck you twice in your poor selfish lazy ass.

Fuck every last heavy breathing, over eating, smelly assed one of you. Fuck the world and fuck you too.

I hate you soldiers that come home and act like heros and want special treatment. You got paid and you chose to go. Fuck all you assholes. I was fucking your wife while you were gone anyway and she loved it.

Fuck all you hip gangster wanna be and Ese's on the street who think they have respect. Get a job and take care of the 10 kids you had with 6 different women.

Fuck you stupid blonde bimbos and faggots that hang out at the Mac store like it's some sort of status symbol. It's a damn computer. Get over it. They are over priced anyway. I want to see you all die.

Fuck you slow ass drivers that take their sweet ass time. Get off the fucking road and let people get to work. You are the same douche bags that don't know how to drive when it rains. You fuckers know who you are.

Fuck the government for failing miserably in every conceivable way. The system is designed for the selfish, rich, and greedy. Fuck your pork barrel spending and lobbyist cock sucking corruption.

I hate bottled water. $2? Fuck that. Get tap water its the same shit. LOL @ you fucking morons that buy that shit.

Fuck popular people and air heads with chihuauas in their pink purses.

Fuck you assholes with rowdy kids at the movies and your big gallon tub of fat ass butter popcorn and your stupid cottage cheese asses.

I hate the stupid sluts with no intelligence that dress like hookers looking for a stud with magnums. Fuck you.

Fuck all you sad eyed rukas that bump screw music on Commerce street late weekend nights. Your lame ass boyfriends are gay and you are all wanna be Houston. Fuck you.

If you think you are unique or special you are not. Fuck your sense of entitlement, your race, and your stupid face. You are not interesting and your problems don't matter. No one gives a shit. Fuck you for filling the world and internet with your useless babble and uninteresting sex lives.

Fuck everything you believe because no matter what it is, you are wrong. Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck your health, dumb clothes, lawyers, and your diet that gives you no results. Fuck whatever it is you smoke and fuck your addictions. Fuck your nonexistent will power and your total lack of control and ability to change anything.

Fuck the world and I hate every last shit for brains one of you. I will wait eagerly for all of you to join me by rotting in hell.

3 months ago

Am I missing something, what?

seraph4

3 months ago

Listen... Humans tend to be unnecessarily cruel (especially in the dominant male game), but it is to be expected if you talk about your current 'situation' on a fairly popular website on the public internet. Its how life is. If you want to avoid this than keep it to yourself or to friends and family or others will taunt you like gymyg.
You should already know this by now. I remind you of this, its unfair but its a part of life. If you must talk about your life on the internet, open a private blog to avoid insults. No one will shed kind words to your comment here.
I shouldn't be telling you this but you seem to need help.

3 months ago

hmmmmm......... "fuck your complaints.... fuck your tears....... fuck everyone who fills the internet with your useless babble....." I detect a smidgen of hypocrisy in your little fume. Yes, yes, I know, fuck me and my criticism. Come to think of it, fuck everything else in the world. That is basically what you're saying. If it makes you feel any better, I am probably as much of a failure as anyone else. And I take medications. So suck it up. Does it make any sense to dis every other type of human but yourself? You're basically saying that the world would be better if there was nothing but YOU running around. I wouldn't find that to be much of an improvement.
Yes, yes, I know. Fuck me and my lecture.

sray277

3 months ago

HA! 8th motherfuckers!!!!!!!!!!!

3 months ago

Technically, third. (You included ALL of kutnahora's hilarious comments, supposed to be only one.)

3 months ago

I got sick of "archriva", too. This sounds way cooler. I'll post my last on "archrival" to prove that this is me. pinocchio is done, I'm quitting archrival, this'll be my new name.

archrival

3 months ago

Here, my verification that I own both these files. I'm quitting this one, got that?

3 months ago

Kutnahora, this is like trying to throw Pecos Bill off of a bull's back. A cyclone couldn't do it. Oh well, keep trying. That was actually quite a refreshing break from the regular dullness around here. Oh yeah, I finally decided on the hand-forged Irish ring pommel hand-and-a-half sword with a 33" blade, 7" cross-hilt, blood channel, and ebony hardwood handle.
(The lowlander Great Sword was a bit big for me. If anyone else here thinks they can fight with a 6' long blade, I'd love to hear about it.)

3 months ago

What the hell is up with glumbert these days.. If I want to see re-runs I'll log off the net and look at the telly instead.

Every day I pop in and check for new clips to entertain my boring day to day life and for the last few months glumbert feeds me with stuff I've not only seen before.. but I've seen it right here.

Examples:

Well.. as the same clip i'm replying too:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/dontwalkdownstreet
That looks kinda similar to:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/troophundred

http://www.glumbert.com/media/femaledriver
I think I remember this as:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/badparking

http://www.glumbert.com/media/biketheft
HOLY CRAP dejavu!:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/bikehttp://www.glumbert.com/media/highspeedhamsters
Thats totally adorable.. think I've seen it before:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/hamsterwheel

http://www.glumbert.com/media/paperclip 1:13
Funny, from norway even.. just like me. But... did they pick it from:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/baddayoffice -- Take a look from about 1:13

This is just a couple of many examples lately.. get a grip!
If you don't have anything to post.. just let it be.
I've been a fan of this site a while.. Find something new.. or atleast give us a comeback of some of the funny shit.

Thanks!

3 months ago

Hmm, seemed like i fucked the post up a little..
Here.. I'LL FIX IT!

http://www.glumbert.com/media/biketheft
HOLY CRAP dejavu!:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/bike

http://www.glumbert.com/media/highspeedhamsters
Thats totally adorable.. think I've seen it before:
http://www.glumbert.com/media/hamsterwheel

3 months ago

BTW, lunchmeat's posts was 10 times more fun than this old clip.. allthough that's kinda funny too =D

3 months ago

Hell yes. And kutnahora's a retard, too! (Lunchmeat is one of kutnahora's aliases.)

3 months ago

Lunchmeat can be anyone who remembers the password.

3 months ago

c'mon.. why the hell would they repeat this one? It's not funny, entertaining or what so ever.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/fakebeauty k exactly the same!!

3 months ago

hmm, that wasn't me.. I promise =D I should stop posting shit when I'm drunk to boot.

http://www.glumbert.com/media/fakebeauty - This is fake beauty
http://www.glumbert.com/media/beauty - This is real beauty

Could have fooled me, they look exactly the same!

arseface

3 months ago

Two things.
1. This must be the oldest video ever posted on Glumbert.
2. I haven't a fucking clue what anybody is talking about on this thread. Lunchmeat - are you truly an ocean-going moron, or are you merely pretending to be one?
It's all beyond me now.
Drivel.

randalflagg

3 months ago

LOLOLOL!! Arse... What is it they're going on about?

enormouspenis

3 months ago

Agreed AF.
It's comforting to know that I have a huge dong and don't have to think too much about what to post. Words are irrelevant when your penis does the talking for you.
I woke up this morning with a hard on and gave myself a blowjob. Then I went back to sleep, got up, logged on to Glumbert and discovered there are some true idiots here now.

backbone

3 months ago

So you really are a cocksucker then!

3 months ago

that realization came a little late, maybe you should've glanced in a mirror first.

cutepuppy

3 months ago

this vicodin stuff lunchmeat talked about... - sounds f***ing great. Where can you get hold of it?

backupsinger

3 months ago

"I make my living off the Evening News
Just give me something-something I can use
People love it when you lose,
They love dirty laundry

Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

3 months ago

ah,,,, can't remember

possum419

3 months ago

i love grapes!